Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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