M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
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was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
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Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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