yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I think I died a long time ago.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good