I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Deaf chicks here I come
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy