I hate ducks.
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
operation have a gay friend backfired
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick