Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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