Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
