Texts From Last Night

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  (703): View more from Virginia

  I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.

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  (703): I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts. http://tfl.nu/s7w5
  Replies (12) Good night (834) Bad night (1347)
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  (925): View more from California

  make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.

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  (925): make sure i look cute passed out on the couch. http://tfl.nu/459h
  Replies (41) Good night (5759) Bad night (850)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads

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  (617): Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads http://tfl.nu/gove
  Replies (41) Good night (12029) Bad night (1251)
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  (253): View more from Washington

  She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.

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  (253): She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much. http://tfl.nu/wscf
  Replies (21) Good night (8655) Bad night (931)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...

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  (603): I forgot how few teeth there are in this state... http://tfl.nu/03va
  Replies (34) Good night (1223) Bad night (4709)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass

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  (508): Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass http://tfl.nu/5gce
  Replies (26) Good night (4237) Bad night (1253)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?

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  (519): What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand? http://tfl.nu/srza
  Replies (10) Good night (5253) Bad night (1967)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.

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  (773): Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary. http://tfl.nu/s27x
  Replies (2) Good night (2822) Bad night (1011)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted

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  (847): I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted http://tfl.nu/5rf7
  Replies (6) Good night (2589) Bad night (1173)
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me

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  (513): Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me http://tfl.nu/vfre
  Replies (13) Good night (3426) Bad night (1812)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."

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  (970): He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park." http://tfl.nu/6eh6
  Replies (9) Good night (1286) Bad night (618)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.

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  (310): I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool. http://tfl.nu/mhjn
  Replies (3) Good night (1141) Bad night (578)
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.

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  (781): I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt. http://tfl.nu/aqol
  Replies (2) Good night (331) Bad night (475)
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?

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  (813): We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship? http://tfl.nu/90ee
  Replies (1) Good night (488) Bad night (156)
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  (219): View more from Indiana

  He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude

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  (219): He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude http://tfl.nu/vgk9
  Replies (1) Good night (310) Bad night (160)

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