Texts From Last Night

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  (210): View more from Texas

  cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens

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  (210): cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens http://tfl.nu/njf7
  Replies (49) Good night (679) Bad night (3458)
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.

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  (803): if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market. http://tfl.nu/j5i5
  Replies (15) Good night (752) Bad night (3609)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.

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  (206): I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before. http://tfl.nu/t0my
  Replies (21) Good night (1101) Bad night (6018)
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it

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  (484): somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it http://tfl.nu/giry
  Replies (7) Good night (939) Bad night (1294)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.

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  (973): Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless. http://tfl.nu/9nhz
  Replies (13) Good night (3873) Bad night (890)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?

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  (617): Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night? http://tfl.nu/bhmq
  Replies (4) Good night (503) Bad night (1198)
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  (650): View more from California

  No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.

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  (650): No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady. http://tfl.nu/wggf
  Replies (17) Good night (1192) Bad night (537)
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  (520): View more from Arizona

  She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.

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  (520): She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup. http://tfl.nu/0yof
  Replies (2) Good night (756) Bad night (432)
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  (518): View more from New York

  If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.

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  (518): If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd. http://tfl.nu/04nl
  Replies (8) Good night (960) Bad night (510)
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  (561): View more from Florida

  I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.

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  (561): I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution. http://tfl.nu/nib7
  Replies (2) Good night (872) Bad night (377)
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  (309): View more from Illinois

  Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".

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  (309): Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail". http://tfl.nu/i687
  Replies (10) Good night (1090) Bad night (430)
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  (302): View more from Delaware

  I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.

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  (302): I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball. http://tfl.nu/8wcf
  Replies (2) Good night (293) Bad night (453)
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  (+35): View more from

  I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.

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  (+35): I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting. http://tfl.nu/tgle
  Replies (0) Good night (572) Bad night (220)
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  (602): View more from Arizona

  I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet

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  (602): I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet http://tfl.nu/4kp3
  Replies (6) Good night (463) Bad night (171)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.

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  (248): idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do. http://tfl.nu/l2tr
  Replies (1) Good night (231) Bad night (93)

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