I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
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if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together