There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
