ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
