Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
