just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
