I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
