I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
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