Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize