your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
