Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
