Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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