Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
my shit smells like andre
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Randomize
