Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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