Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
