his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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