Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
