I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
