he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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