In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
