playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
