there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
don't judge my taste in strippers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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