Tell her she can't have a vagina
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
