I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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