My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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