we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
