dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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