I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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