names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize
