I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
