Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
He did a backflip because drugs
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