There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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