I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
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So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
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I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
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