bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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