I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
