We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
