I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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