Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Randomize
