I got chris browned last night
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
