Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
What a dumb baby whore.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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