It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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