I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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