so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
