I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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