finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
