6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
