you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
