Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
