then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
