everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
