No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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