How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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