Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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