we have officially mastered the walk of shame
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
