i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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