you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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