I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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