Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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