remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
