I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Barsexuality is the new black.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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