he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
