oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
