She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
