ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
