You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
