what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
