Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
