I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
