I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
