just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
It's never too late to be topless.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Randomize
